Hey!
It's 8:30 in the morning! OMG we're both here at 8:30 in the morning! How cool is that right?! You're so happy and perky and you want to talk to me about your kids? Oh WOW COOL! I can't wait to hear another story about how Jimmy had hockey practice! Can we hold off for a minute though? I haven't had my coffee yet and your shrill perky voice is hitting me like needles in my brain.
Here's the thing: you're a 10am person. You're a person I don't want to deal with until 10am because you drive me absolutely insane before I'm fully awake. I feel towards you the way I feel towards an alarm clock; I want to slap you and shut you up because the noises you make fill me with rage and a sense of dread.
I'm a total morning person, but it still doesn't mean that I don't want to make small talk with you before I've had my coffee. Give me some time. Half an hour or so to let the beans do their work and let the sweat dry off my neck from my bike ride in.
And it blows my mind that you don't get it! I make polite grunts but that's about it. I'm pretty sure I've said "oh ha ha I haven't had my coffee yet so I'm not really all there ha ha" and you've just kept going on. Just shut up. Just please shut up and realize that some of us haven't been Go-Training for the past two hours and some of us just want 30 minutes to drink coffee and reply to emails. Please. Come back later.
Hey Chatty Cathy who likes to engage in conversation at 8:30am! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
People that don't put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher
Hey!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT YOUR FUCKING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IT'S RIGHT BESIDE THE SINK! YOU ARE ADULTS AND YOU WORK AT A HUGE, IMPORTANT, INTERNATIONAL COMPANY. YOU OWN HOUSES, HAVE FAMILIES AND DRIVE CARS. HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO PUT YOUR DIRTY CUP IN THE FUCKING DISHWASHER?! WHAT THE HELL?
Hey people that don't put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT YOUR FUCKING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IT'S RIGHT BESIDE THE SINK! YOU ARE ADULTS AND YOU WORK AT A HUGE, IMPORTANT, INTERNATIONAL COMPANY. YOU OWN HOUSES, HAVE FAMILIES AND DRIVE CARS. HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO PUT YOUR DIRTY CUP IN THE FUCKING DISHWASHER?! WHAT THE HELL?
Hey people that don't put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Puzzle that really isn't a puzzle
Hey!
You're a favourite puzzle in my "Puzzle a Day" calendar. I love the challenge of having to turn the word "Frown" into "Smile" in just 8 steps and really enjoy doing these little ladders. The thing is, it's really not much of a challenge when you give me five of the eight steps. I mean, this is a frigging PUZZLE. It's supposed to challenge me! And when you put:
Frown
Flown
Flows
Slows
x
x
x
Suite
Smite
Smile
IT'S NOT MUCH OF A CHALLENGE! I probably could have figured out those other steps myself and would have enjoyed the mental workout. I didn't get this calendar to just have it sit on my desk and have something to look at...I got it so I could work my brain a bit every day. You giving me the answers doesn't really do much and doesn't really live up to the word "puzzle". I'm not dumb. Frig.
Hey puzzle that really isn't a puzzle! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!
You're a favourite puzzle in my "Puzzle a Day" calendar. I love the challenge of having to turn the word "Frown" into "Smile" in just 8 steps and really enjoy doing these little ladders. The thing is, it's really not much of a challenge when you give me five of the eight steps. I mean, this is a frigging PUZZLE. It's supposed to challenge me! And when you put:
Frown
Flown
Flows
Slows
x
x
x
Suite
Smite
Smile
IT'S NOT MUCH OF A CHALLENGE! I probably could have figured out those other steps myself and would have enjoyed the mental workout. I didn't get this calendar to just have it sit on my desk and have something to look at...I got it so I could work my brain a bit every day. You giving me the answers doesn't really do much and doesn't really live up to the word "puzzle". I'm not dumb. Frig.
Hey puzzle that really isn't a puzzle! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Pop that exploded over the weekend
Hey!
You're a carbonated beverage! Lots of people love to drink you and even I partake every once in a while. You taste great and there's nothing like that icy cold refreshment on a hot summer day. The thing is, when you decide to randomly freeze because the mini fridge is too cold, you sometimes can't contain your excitement and totally explode. You burst your contents all over the fridge, leaving everything coated with a sticky, black gunk. This means I come in after the weekend and have to spend the first 25 minutes of my week on my knees, scrubbing you off the fridge and wiping down each individual can, bottle and milk carton. Not cool.
Hey pop can that exploded over the weekend! YOU'RE A BIG JERK! 
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Suits that wait around for free meals
Hey!
You make a lot of money each year! I mean, I can't say I'm 100% certain how much you make, but you work in an office building which means you're most likely making more than minimum wage. Why the hell do you feel the need to stand in the lobby of the office building for upwards of 35 minutes, blocking elevators and doors and probably violating fire-codes, to get a free hamburger?
I think it's really nice that the building is having a "free lunch bbq for tenants" day, but while you stand there in expensive suits and scarf down your free potato salad, there's a homeless guy on the corner trying to sell papers to make a buck who probably hasn't had a meal like that in years. And while we're at it, I know for a fact that the cleaning and maintenance crews in the building don't get ANY of the free food until later this afternoon when the mayo has gone bad and the meat has been picked out of the buns. Whatever is left after people pick through is what they get...and they STILL have to clean up after you. I don't know. I like free food as much as the next girl, but to see people with money freak out and wait around for a free burger just kind've pisses me off. And chances are you'll drive home in your BMW, complaining that they didn't give you enough food and refused your ask for seconds. How about instead of hosting a "lets feed the rich people" day, we think about hosting a "lets feed the poor people" day?
Hey suits that wait around for free meals while folks that need it more than you go hungry! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
You make a lot of money each year! I mean, I can't say I'm 100% certain how much you make, but you work in an office building which means you're most likely making more than minimum wage. Why the hell do you feel the need to stand in the lobby of the office building for upwards of 35 minutes, blocking elevators and doors and probably violating fire-codes, to get a free hamburger?
I think it's really nice that the building is having a "free lunch bbq for tenants" day, but while you stand there in expensive suits and scarf down your free potato salad, there's a homeless guy on the corner trying to sell papers to make a buck who probably hasn't had a meal like that in years. And while we're at it, I know for a fact that the cleaning and maintenance crews in the building don't get ANY of the free food until later this afternoon when the mayo has gone bad and the meat has been picked out of the buns. Whatever is left after people pick through is what they get...and they STILL have to clean up after you. I don't know. I like free food as much as the next girl, but to see people with money freak out and wait around for a free burger just kind've pisses me off. And chances are you'll drive home in your BMW, complaining that they didn't give you enough food and refused your ask for seconds. How about instead of hosting a "lets feed the rich people" day, we think about hosting a "lets feed the poor people" day?
Hey suits that wait around for free meals while folks that need it more than you go hungry! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Guy that has a cigarette right before he gets in an elevator
Hey!
You’re a smoker! You probably started when you were 14 years old and became instantly cool and admired, right? You didn’t care where you smoked and nobody said anything to you about it. The thing is, now you’re in your 20s/30s/40/s and not only is it not cool anymore, but you really should have learned some respect by now. You need to understand that when you smoke, you STINK. And when you have your last puff as you’re walking through the door of a building and head right into the elevator, you smell up EVERYTHING around you and no one can get a fucking breath in. If I get into an elevator, I like to be able to inhale at least once on my way up, and with you standing there, reeking of cigarettes and cheap perfume you spray over yourself to try and mask the smell that you’re obviously ashamed of but don’t care too much about, I can’t take a breath. You’re as bad as those 23 year old, greased-back hair, gold-chain wearing Axe bathers, only your smell is much more toxic.
Next time you decide to have a cigarette two feet away from a doorway (which, by the way, is really fucking rude and inconsiderate to people going in and out of the building), take an extra 30 seconds to stand outside and let the wind blow the stench off a little. It’s time to think about others.
Hey guy that has a cigarette right before he gets in an elevator! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!
You’re a smoker! You probably started when you were 14 years old and became instantly cool and admired, right? You didn’t care where you smoked and nobody said anything to you about it. The thing is, now you’re in your 20s/30s/40/s and not only is it not cool anymore, but you really should have learned some respect by now. You need to understand that when you smoke, you STINK. And when you have your last puff as you’re walking through the door of a building and head right into the elevator, you smell up EVERYTHING around you and no one can get a fucking breath in. If I get into an elevator, I like to be able to inhale at least once on my way up, and with you standing there, reeking of cigarettes and cheap perfume you spray over yourself to try and mask the smell that you’re obviously ashamed of but don’t care too much about, I can’t take a breath. You’re as bad as those 23 year old, greased-back hair, gold-chain wearing Axe bathers, only your smell is much more toxic.
Next time you decide to have a cigarette two feet away from a doorway (which, by the way, is really fucking rude and inconsiderate to people going in and out of the building), take an extra 30 seconds to stand outside and let the wind blow the stench off a little. It’s time to think about others.
Hey guy that has a cigarette right before he gets in an elevator! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Crack-head that comes into my office and makes me fear for my life
Hey!
I'm sitting at my desk, writing jokes or whatever I do during my day job and you walk in. You look grubby and weird, so I assume you're a courier. You start asking if I need help and then tell me that you want a credit card. Oh, you're not a courier, you're a crack-head. I politely tell you that I can't give you a credit card and that I don't think I can help you here. You proceed to STARE at me for THREE MINUTES while I politely ask you to leave. You tell me I'm beautiful. I say I'm flattered but you still need to leave. You get more aggressive, telling me that you want to open your own bank and you need a credit card to do so because you don't have any money. I try to explain the Canadian banking system to you. You don't understand. This whole time, I can't see your left hand. You then tell me that it's really quiet out here. I say "yes, everyone works in the back" and you say "that's perfect". My inner monologue spins into "oh my god, he has a gun and he is going to shoot me in this quiet reception area. Which co-worker will find me? Will they call my mom? I just got this new white sweater. Where can I possibly run to?" I push the panic button under my desk. I push it again. Again. I wait patiently.
I call the biggest, toughest co-worker I can think of and he comes out. He explains the Canadian banking system to you. You don't understand. You argue with him and he uses big words to confuse you. Finally you leave after 10 minutes. I call security and find out that 1) they were trying to catch you and 2) my panic button doesn't work.
Hey crack-head that comes into my office and makes me fear for my life! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!
I'm sitting at my desk, writing jokes or whatever I do during my day job and you walk in. You look grubby and weird, so I assume you're a courier. You start asking if I need help and then tell me that you want a credit card. Oh, you're not a courier, you're a crack-head. I politely tell you that I can't give you a credit card and that I don't think I can help you here. You proceed to STARE at me for THREE MINUTES while I politely ask you to leave. You tell me I'm beautiful. I say I'm flattered but you still need to leave. You get more aggressive, telling me that you want to open your own bank and you need a credit card to do so because you don't have any money. I try to explain the Canadian banking system to you. You don't understand. This whole time, I can't see your left hand. You then tell me that it's really quiet out here. I say "yes, everyone works in the back" and you say "that's perfect". My inner monologue spins into "oh my god, he has a gun and he is going to shoot me in this quiet reception area. Which co-worker will find me? Will they call my mom? I just got this new white sweater. Where can I possibly run to?" I push the panic button under my desk. I push it again. Again. I wait patiently.
I call the biggest, toughest co-worker I can think of and he comes out. He explains the Canadian banking system to you. You don't understand. You argue with him and he uses big words to confuse you. Finally you leave after 10 minutes. I call security and find out that 1) they were trying to catch you and 2) my panic button doesn't work.
Hey crack-head that comes into my office and makes me fear for my life! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!
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