tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82968093789563449272024-03-14T02:30:29.650-04:00Hey jerk! You're a big jerk!Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-20398018741293159802010-07-12T09:12:00.002-04:002010-07-12T09:21:41.412-04:00Guy That Doesn't Use the CrosswalkHey!<br /><br />Happy Monday, buddy! Looks like you just exited the subway and need to cross the street to get to your building. Ooh maybe you can use the huge crosswalk at the intersection! What, what? No? You’d rather just run out into the street? Oh.<br /><br />Fuck you.<br /><br />Not only is the crosswalk 20 feet away, but it’s a pedestrian scramble crosswalk, which means you have TWO TIMES the amount of time to cross the road. And think about it: we had like 14 pedestrian deaths in January alone. Fourteen!<br /><br />I know you think that you’re big shit since you cross wherever you want to cross, but –newsflash- you’re not. Especially when you start crossing then look up from your Blackberry and see that cars in the other lane are coming faster than expected, so you have to turn around and run back to the safety of your sidewalk. Real smooth, dicksucker. In the amount of time you stood there waiting for a gap in traffic, you could have been at the crosswalk and crossing already. <br /><br />Hey guy that doesn’t use the crosswalk! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-79802703759953226512010-07-07T10:43:00.002-04:002010-07-07T10:48:55.050-04:00Chatty Cathy who likes to engage in conversation at 8:30amHey!<br /><br />It's 8:30 in the morning! OMG we're both here at 8:30 in the morning! How cool is that right?! You're so happy and perky and you want to talk to me about your kids? Oh WOW COOL! I can't wait to hear another story about how Jimmy had hockey practice! Can we hold off for a minute though? I haven't had my coffee yet and your shrill perky voice is hitting me like needles in my brain. <br /><br />Here's the thing: you're a 10am person. You're a person I don't want to deal with until 10am because you drive me absolutely insane before I'm fully awake. I feel towards you the way I feel towards an alarm clock; I want to slap you and shut you up because the noises you make fill me with rage and a sense of dread. <br /><br />I'm a total morning person, but it still doesn't mean that I don't want to make small talk with you before I've had my coffee. Give me some time. Half an hour or so to let the beans do their work and let the sweat dry off my neck from my bike ride in. <br /><br />And it blows my mind that you don't get it! I make polite grunts but that's about it. I'm pretty sure I've said "oh ha ha I haven't had my coffee yet so I'm not really all there ha ha" and you've just kept going on. Just shut up. Just please shut up and realize that some of us haven't been Go-Training for the past two hours and some of us just want 30 minutes to drink coffee and reply to emails. Please. Come back later.<br /><br />Hey Chatty Cathy who likes to engage in conversation at 8:30am! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-56268527245075517792010-02-16T22:43:00.003-05:002010-02-16T23:03:09.957-05:00Stupid Asshole IdiotHey!<div><br /></div><div>Yo man, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">how've</span> you been? We went on three dates almost two years ago! Time flies, eh?</div><div><br /></div><div>Remember how it ended? I told you I wasn't really interested and didn't see a future, and you gave me the silent treatment for three days, and called me a slut and a bitch! Then when I deleted you off <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Facebook</span> and you totally flipped out, calling me bad names (again) and saying something akin to "good riddance, bitch. I hope your life sucks." In fact, those may have been the EXACT WORDS! Oh man, how time flies.</div><div><br /></div><div>Then, months later, you try to contact me again. I ignore you because you called me a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">slutbitch</span>, and you flip out again! More names are spat in my face while I patiently bite my tongue and don't respond</div><div><br /></div><div>And THEN, a whole year later, you send me a message! You ask me out for coffee. I politely decline and you delete me again. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh goodness how time flies! Six months later, you send me another message! You ask me out for coffee again. I politely decline, this time telling you that I don't really want any relationship with you, friendship or other. My message is polite, civil, and even apologetic. You call me an ice cold bitch. I tell you that I'm blocking you and apologize for being rude. I tell you that I hope you have a great summer and have a smooth move out of your parents home. You proceed to send me an email with the phrase "good riddance".</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>HERE'S THE THING, YOU STUPID LITTLE DICK STUPID COCKSUCKER ASSHOLE FUCKER:</b></div><div><br /></div><div>I am being nice to you! You called me a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">slutbitch</span>! You made me feel bad! We went on THREE DATES. Where many women would have told you to screw off and blocked you immediately after you called them names, I left you with access to my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Facebook</span> (which, in writing this down seems petty and silly, but This Day In Age really *does* mean something). Sure, I left you with access mostly out of pity, but I never led you astray, always telling you what I thought in a polite way, and always saying I was sorry that I just didn't want to meet up. I told you that based on what you've showed me in the past, I can pretty much figure out how you'll react in the future and I really didn't need that sort of drama in my life.</div><div><br /></div><div>AND HEY, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED! YOU REACTED EXACTLY AS I SAID YOU WOULD! You went from hot to cold within two seconds and called me more names!</div><div><br /></div><div>It is taking EVERY.SINGLE.BONE.IN.MY.BODY. not to respond to your email with some kind of song. A video clip, even. A song that goes something like "la la la, I told you you'd act like this/ la la la I was totally right / la la la I'm sorry I'm not in love with you / la la la I told you so I told you so I told you so..." and so on. My fingers are poised over the keys, simply aching with the want to be petty, mean, rude, bitchy and absolutely childish to you. I want to hurt you. I want to tease you. I want to kick your ass cyberly. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I won't. Because I'm trying to be a nice person. A nice <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">slutbitch</span>. We *do* exist.</div><div><br /></div><div>So hey stupid asshole idiot that calls me names yet begs me to go out with him! YOU ARE SERIOUSLY A HUGE JERK. FUCK OFF PLEASE.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-65253168093272671772010-01-08T10:02:00.003-05:002010-01-08T10:24:25.601-05:00Guy that runs for a train he can't seeHey!<br /><br />We entered the subway station at the same time. Twinsies! Looks like we're walking down the stairs at the same ti...oh no, wait a sec...you've decided to push past me and run down the stairs! What gives, newbestfriend? Oh, I see. You hear a train coming. And there is the *slight* chance it may be your train, so you have decided to run for it and shove me out of the way. You're an idiot for a few reasons:<br /><br />1- You don't know if it's your train. You are standing at the top of the stairs, close to street level, and have absolutely no way of telling if the approaching train is yours or not. Not only do you have no way of knowing, but...<br /><br />2- Even if it is your train, there is NO FRIGGING WAY you're going to make it! Are you kidding me? You're at street level and have to make it down one set of stairs, walk 20 feet to the other set of stairs, run down those to the platform and hop on the train. If the train is operating as it normally does, it's going to be at the platform for 10 seconds, max. You can't make this run in 10 seconds. <br /><br />3- After you in all your "running like there's a madman with a gun at the turnstile" glory push past the 20 other people and you end up missing the train, and everyone that you shoved shows up to the platform, calm and collected, we all think to ourselves "man, what an idiot. Looks like I will be catching the exact same train as he will and I didn't run. Take note, stupid running guy. You're stupid for running." People judge you and then perform small victory dances in their minds, all the while chanting "I'm better than you, running guy!"<br /><br />In short, don't run for the train unless you're 100% positive that it is indeed your train coming and that you'll make it. And if you do decide to run, don't shove people. One day someone won't be so nice and will purposely try and trip you down the stairs, making you not only miss your train, but also making you bloody.<br /><br />Hey guy that runs for a train he can't see! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-6122907252085386182010-01-05T09:45:00.003-05:002010-01-05T09:48:25.809-05:00Idiots that just stop in the middle of wherever the hell they areHey!<br /><br />Oh uh...excus...get out of...get out of the way.<br /><br />Get out of the way.<br /><br />Get out of the way!<br />GET OUT OF THE WAY!<br />GET OUT OF THE WAY GET OUT OF THE WAY GET OUT OF THE WAY!<br /><br />ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU JUST EXITED A BUILDING/GOT OFF AN ESCALATOR/ARE IN A DOORWAY! GET OUT OF THE WAY! WHY ARE YOU STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK/SUBWAY PLATFORM/LOBBY? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? IT IS RUSH HOUR IN TORONTO. THERE ARE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU. <br /><br />YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD! GET OUT OF THE WAY!<br /><br />Hey idiots that just stop in the middle of wherever the hell they are. YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-84505451782395751242009-11-13T12:49:00.002-05:002009-11-13T12:59:26.795-05:00Women that jaywalk on busy roads with their strollersHey!<br /><br />You have a baby. Awesome! Congratulations. I love seeing you smile at your baby as you're taking him/her for a walk.<br /><br />You know what I hate, though? When you decide to jaywalk with your baby. On a busy street. Pushing the stroller <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">in front</span> of you like some kind of four-wheeled stop sign, signalling to drivers "I AM WALKING ACROSS THE ROAD HERE AND I HAVE A BABY. YOU WOULDN'T HIT A BABY, WOULD YOU?"<br /><br />Who the fuck do you think you are?! I would never jaywalk a busy street with a baby, and I have nowhere near the maternal instinct I should, as a 25 year old woman, have. On a quiet <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">residential</span> street, sure. Go nuts. Push the stroller into the road and see how far it goes, I don't care. But in the middle of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Bloor</span> street? Are you kidding me?<br /><br />You can't account for the "What If" factor when you're jaywalking with your baby. What if the wheel gets caught in a streetcar track and you can't get it out in time? What if the driver down the road is going faster than you first thought? What if there is a hidden intersection and someone comes whipping down the alley into the road? What if someone doesn't see you? What if the other light has an advanced green and that's the reason your walk-light hasn't changed?<br /><br />Can you really risk the lives of you and your baby just because you were too dumb to walk the extra 20 feet down the road and cross at the light, or too impatient to wait for your walk signal? People would die for their kids every day, but I don't think stupidity is what they're talking about.<br /><br />Hey women that jaywalk on busy roads with their strollers! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-79820410467749060312009-10-27T10:59:00.005-04:002009-10-27T11:05:02.220-04:00People that don't put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher<span style="font-family:georgia;">Hey!<br /><br />FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT YOUR FUCKING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IT'S RIGHT BESIDE THE SINK! YOU ARE ADULTS AND YOU WORK AT A HUGE, IMPORTANT, INTERNATIONAL COMPANY. YOU OWN HOUSES, HAVE FAMILIES AND DRIVE CARS. HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO PUT YOUR DIRTY CUP IN THE FUCKING DISHWASHER?! WHAT THE HELL?<br /><br />Hey people that don't put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-87741909790386605592009-10-16T15:50:00.002-04:002009-10-16T15:53:27.998-04:00Guy that chews with his mouth open<p>Hey!<br /><br />You’re enjoying your meal! Man, it looks good. What you got there, some chicken? Bread? French fries? Yum-my! And wow, it looks even more appealing when it’s inside your mouth!</p><p><br />Oh wait, no it doesn’t. It disgusts me. You are disgusting. Chew with your mouth closed. You’re in public and sitting beside people you know and respect, so why are you acting like a cow and chewing with your mouth open? You realize you’ll lose friends over this, right? No one will want to hang out with you because you have poor manners. The only way chewing with your mouth open is acceptable is if you were raised by wolves, and I'm pretty sure you were raised in the suburbs. And you wonder why you're single. <br /><br />Hey guy that chews with his mouth open! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-64450791075564635392009-10-13T14:48:00.000-04:002009-10-13T14:49:47.866-04:00Girl that talks loudly on her cell phoneHey!<br /><br />You have a cellphone! I do too! OMG TWINS! Oh, there it goes! Oh. Uh, hey, excuse me. Excuse me, your phone is ringing. Loudly. Excuse…excuse me, your phone is…there ya go, you got it! Oh! No yeah, just go ahead and talk. Oh, um…no, no, it’s nothing, I just didn’t realize Lisa was such a slut. Oh. And she has some nasty rash? Wow. Okay cool. No, no, don’t worry about it. Oh. Oh so you met your biological father yesterday? Wow, that’s pretty intense. He…oh, so you don’t actually know he was your father because your mom slept with so many men? Oh. That’s…Isn’t this a conversation you should have at home? In private? No, no. Go ahead. Sorry to disturb you. Wait, you think your boyfriend is cheating on you? With Lisa? This is…should I not be listening? I’m…wow, okay. <br /><br />Hey girl that talks loudly about personal matters on her cell phone! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-23093007622713394332009-09-24T10:58:00.000-04:002009-09-24T11:00:14.795-04:00Guy that doesn’t cover his mouth when he coughs!Hey!<br /><br />You have a cold. It sucks, I know. I almost feel a tickle in my throat as well. No one likes being sick; it makes you achy, stuffy and makes you do loud things in public like sneezing and coughing. Which reminds me, dear stranger, about this little thing you just did as you were standing beside me. You coughed. You coughed and you sniffled and you coughed again…AND YOU DIDN’T COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGHED.<br /><br />You are disgusting! I mean, I’m the kind’ve person that thinks those Government ads you see on tv and subway cars that tell you to cover your mouth when you cough/sneeze and wash your hands are dumb. Who doesn’t know how to wash their hands? Who doesn’t know that you’re supposed to cover your mouth when you cough?<br /><br />Oh, apparently you don’t. Those ads are targeted at you, dumbass. Start paying attention. I don’t want your cold and it’s really fucking rude to cough with your mouth open. If you’re at home, go nuts. Go fucking nuts. Cough in your dog’s face for all I care. But when you’re in public, cover your mouth. Fuck, you disgust me.<br /><br />Hey guy that doesn’t cover his mouth when he coughs! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-45237815977510859042009-09-21T10:09:00.002-04:002009-09-21T10:28:24.730-04:00Woman that does sudoku puzzles in the doorway of the subway!Hey!<br /><br />You're doing a sudoku on the subway. You're getting your brain moving and working early in the morning! Cool! Why, though, do you feel the need to lean against the partition in the doorways, stick your feet halfway into the middle of the entrance, and do your puzzle two feet away from your body? Are you dumb? <br />The best part, though, is that when I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">accidentally</span> hit your paper as I was walking by you let out a sigh and gave me a look of disgust. Really? REALLY?! Well fuck you. If you want to do a puzzle on the subway and you're standing in the doorway, both you and your puzzle are going to get hit. And I'm not going to feel bad about it one bit because, quite frankly, you deserve it. You deserve to get hit and you deserve to have a shitty, pen-marked puzzle. You. Deserve. It.<br /><br />Hey woman that does sudoku puzzles in the doorway of the subway! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-34958981615335217652009-09-11T09:18:00.002-04:002009-09-11T09:37:41.360-04:00Guy that parked his bike at Yonge and Bloor six months agoHey!<br /><br />You biked to work about six months ago! Cool! Then you decided to leave your bike locked up there! For six months! Never EVER moving it!<br /><br />Hey supreme asshole! FUCK YOU. You know, if you parked it in the middle of the rack and left it then I wouldn't really care so much (aside from the huge hassle it would be for people to park around you). But you decided to park on the outside of the rack -- the sweetest spot any cyclist can hope to grab, because you never need to worry about twisting yourself around other bikes to lock/unlock yours. You parked it there and left it. It has not moved in six months. <br />I mean, if you're dead or got hit on the head and can't remember anything then I'm really sorry and whatever...but if you're just a douche, then I hate you.<br /><br />It blows my mind that this bike has been sitting at the corner of Yonge and Bloor for months now and hasn't been stolen. My roommates have had shittier bikes stolen from our backyard, but this thing sits there for months and the only time it's touched is when I shift it around to lock my bike up to it. Argh.<br /><br />I mean, I guess it's not so bad because since everyone chooses to park in empty spots, I know I'll always get the spot right beside you and never have to worry about you coming out or parking a bigger bike there...but I really wish you'd move it, because it's seriously a douchey thing to do.<br /><br />Hey guy that parked his bike at Yonge and Bloor six months ago! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!<br /><br /><em>(So hey, if anyone wants a free bike and can cut a u-style lock...it's the red and silver one right in front of the CIBC. Rusted chain, old flyers sticking around the frame, seat a little torn up...beside my rad blue and white one with the basket.)</em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-73953341084699117522009-09-10T00:00:00.001-04:002009-09-10T00:00:02.765-04:00Drycleaners.caHey!<br /><br />You run a dry cleaning service! In fact, your website is drycleaners.ca - a pretty coveted domain, I'm sure! Across your pages you boast "free pick-up and delivery" and "100% satisfaction guaranteed"...but when I called to ask about rates and delivery days, your representative quite rudely told me that you no longer offered pick-ups and if I would have tried to place an order, I would have found that out.<br /><br />Okay, number one: I shouldn't have to try and place an order to find out you don't do pick-ups anymore. You should just take the false advertising off your website.<br /><br />Number two: Tell your guy on the phone that he needs to be more polite. Seriously, he didn't even say hello and was a total asshole.<br /><br />Number three: You fucking suck. Take that shit off your website and replace it with "if you want some dry cleaning we'll probably do it, but you have to come to our location in our sketchy Sherbourne neighbourhood to drop it off and pick it up. Hopefully we don't lose it."<br /><br />100% satisfaction guarantee FAIL.<br /><br />Hey drycleaners.ca! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-39883645462159504462009-09-09T00:00:00.000-04:002009-09-09T00:00:00.759-04:00Puzzle that really isn't a puzzleHey!<br /><br />You're a favourite puzzle in my "Puzzle a Day" calendar. I love the challenge of having to turn the word "Frown" into "Smile" in just 8 steps and really enjoy doing these little ladders. The thing is, it's really not much of a challenge when you give me five of the eight steps. I mean, this is a frigging PUZZLE. It's supposed to challenge me! And when you put:<br /><br />Frown<br />Flown<br />Flows<br />Slows<br />x<br />x<br />x<br />Suite<br />Smite<br />Smile<br /><br />IT'S NOT MUCH OF A CHALLENGE! I probably could have figured out those other steps myself and would have enjoyed the mental workout. I didn't get this calendar to just have it sit on my desk and have something to look at...I got it so I could work my brain a bit every day. You giving me the answers doesn't really do much and doesn't really live up to the word "puzzle". I'm not dumb. Frig.<br /><br />Hey puzzle that really isn't a puzzle! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-41729192430894671172009-09-08T09:43:00.003-04:002009-09-08T09:54:10.754-04:00Pop that exploded over the weekendHey! <div><div></div><div> </div><div>You're a carbonated beverage! Lots of people love to drink you and even I partake every once in a while. You taste great and there's nothing like that icy cold refreshment on a hot summer day. The thing is, when you decide to randomly freeze because the mini fridge is too cold, you sometimes can't contain your excitement and totally explode. You burst your contents all over the fridge, leaving everything coated with a sticky, black gunk. This means I come in after the weekend and have to spend the first 25 minutes of my week on my knees, scrubbing you off the fridge and wiping down each individual can, bottle and milk carton. Not cool.</div><div></div><br /><div>Hey pop can that exploded over the weekend! YOU'RE A BIG JERK! <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379094361591018226" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 128px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDiTV94sjsgOa0fM3CNPn4DfNIu4zAqOwkh215RyJWRQ50AHU1KkKXm9A65MxsrrS0qMGG_C3Jv6MRtgF-O39Ksysc8jGkKLEB2v5YmabCex2ldvpJSaNPhLJb93YYI7N3cnuXGgmECQk/s200/diet_coke_2_2.jpg" border="0" /></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-56917880345894461932009-09-03T09:27:00.003-04:002009-09-03T09:37:23.944-04:00Open-mouth gum chewersHey! <div></div><br /><div>You're chewing gum! Cool! I guess you had bad breath, or wanted to freshen up your mouth or something...maybe you even just like the taste! Can I just ask one favour of you, though? Can you learn how to CLOSE YOUR MOUTH when you're chewing gum? It's not hard, I swear. You simply <em>DON'T OPEN </em>your mouth when the gum is in there.</div><br /><div></div><div>I mean, come the fuck on. Do you eat with your mouth open? Are you a mouth-breather? I highly doubt it. The fact is, you're a six-foot-tall business man in a suit, so I'm guessing you have manners of <em>some</em> sort. Why, then, WHY do you chew gum with your mouth open? How have you not learned proper gum <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">etiquette</span>? You look and sound like cows chewing cud. My mom doesn't chew gum for this exact reason; she knows that she chews with her mouth open, so she just doesn't chew it in public. It's not that my mom is smarter than the average human, it's just that she has common sense and good manners. It's that simple.</div><div></div><br /><div>The next person that chews gum in my ear when they're standing behind me in an elevator is going to get an elbow to the gut. I swear it. </div><br /><div></div><div>Hey open-mouth gum chewers! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!<img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5377234423069951186" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHQ9JnzMRd0TP8ztIFObH1Skkyk2EamUXzjx2lObNtKLOif8XRkBlBqiRHtrDhoOc65IxhSBoyXV2rcyDUCaZM9NY6yQFuXSt1YnZVWv7z6X6vcWpBrXwPDhYlfk0_9JQU23xTqm-LbVM/s200/cow.jpg" border="0" /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-83625540115553296282009-08-31T11:30:00.004-04:002009-08-31T11:31:59.109-04:00CancerHey!<br /><br />You kill people all the time and totally ruin lives! What the FUCK?! I'm totally going to kick your ass.<br /><br />Hey cancer! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!<br /><br /><em>(support me in the Ride to Conquer Cancer! Go to </em><a href="http://to10.conquercancer.ca/"><em>http://to10.conquercancer.ca</em></a><em> and donate to my name!)</em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-3511133712247782452009-08-27T08:57:00.004-04:002009-08-27T09:04:06.065-04:00Guy that doesn't clear the microwave timerHey!<br /><br />You use the microwave to heat things up! You like to stop it before it beeps! Maybe you decided it was hot enough, maybe you just didn't want to wait that last 37 seconds...it's cool, I get it. But WHY do you not take the extra step and push the "Clear" button when you take your shit out?! Seriously? Seriously. You're one of those people that just leaves the remaining 37 seconds on the clock, so the next person that wants to use the microwave or check the time has to clear your shit first. You probably leave cupboard doors open and crumbs in the butter, too.<br /><br />Hey guy that doesn't clear the microwave timer when he takes his things out early! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-57816743149559520302009-08-25T12:48:00.003-04:002009-08-25T12:52:35.337-04:00Guy that wears so much cologne I can smell him when he’s in his car<div align="left">Hey!<br /><br /></div><div align="left">You drive a car! Cool! You like to groom! Cool! You blast totally dope gino beats out of your car! Okay, whatever floats your boat!<br /><br />Here’s the thing: when I pull my bike up beside your car and I can smell your cologne from the other side of the car, you are very uncool. Infact, you’re pretty stupid. If you wear so much cologne that I can smell you above truck exhaust, construction dust and that gross “Toronto” smell that we sometimes get, you are wearing too much cologne. I mean, I understand that your windows are open so maybe that’s why the smell was right in my face (I’d smell smoke or McDonald’s too, I’m sure), but when I can hardly take a breath in for fear of getting a headache, it’s gone too far. I feel sorry for any passenger that has to ride with you; they must really have a hard time breathing. Seriously, lay off the Axe. Your stench diameter is remarkably wide.<br /><br />Hey guy that wears so much cologne I can smell him when he’s in his car! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!</div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373944614950575538" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 154px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB3ABKgsEPoAW0NjF0gH2bwFTgUR6VUyrxupNQOX1b5D-hy0w0ZByrFO3iZEBm3E-kdCm0Eq21cxUiHTM-oD7iR86Igeqz_8grPt0jUUdzhYMvMmAuuX79zKY9efQp0IrXTUzaQCD8j_0/s200/eurobag.jpg" border="0" /><span style="font-size:78%;"> (s</span><a href="http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/"><span style="font-size:78%;">ource)</span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-8777883077953892242009-08-21T11:37:00.001-04:002009-08-21T11:39:06.188-04:00HangoverHey!<br /><br />It's 11:38am and you're still here. Please fuck off.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />I am a stupid, stupid girl.<br /><br />Hey hangover! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-77264045485566075812009-08-20T13:40:00.002-04:002009-08-20T13:45:38.519-04:00Woman that stares at me while I'm nakedHey!<br /><br />We're getting changed at the same time and you can't seem to take your eyes off me! Unless you want to have sex in the steamroom, stop looking at me while I'm naked. It's creeping me out.<br /><br />Hey woman that stares at me while I'm naked! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-3174949750503841532009-08-19T13:52:00.003-04:002009-08-19T14:10:44.561-04:00People that have almost-sex on the subwayHey!<br /><div></div><br /><div>You're in love! Or maybe you just really like the person you're with! I'm so happy for you and really pleased that you seem to have found someone so awesome. You should be proud to hold hands and give occasional pecks on the cheek.</div><br /><div>But do NOT, by ANY means think that it's okay to GIVE YOUR BOYFRIEND A BLOWJOB/FINGERBANG YOUR GIRLFRIEND ON THE SUBWAY. What, seriously?! I mean, making out in public is bad enough; no one likes huge amounts of PDA, especially if you're over the age of 17. But to totally have full-on sexual contact like that on a subway is absolutely gross. It's also really hard to NOT watch it (though if you're doing that you obviously enjoy voyeurism to a certain degree so I should be allowed to watch you). </div><br /><div></div><div>Hey people that have almost-sex on the subway! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS! <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5371738864178095426" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 107px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwNGEwvbjANPpC-Z8_D55lIcvFL_m7EhJ3JoQgCFmbRsmjWsGYhrhWAmAMt7T1nZWcRz9T9wkRD0_K9nYfeD8K81fYxuNNyBt9vn8skWfYgX5t0tOd0sjoFHklfufWTyUqh02GLkprPYo/s200/20060925-pdapic.jpg" border="0" /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-90209285651820707342009-08-18T09:13:00.003-04:002009-08-18T09:34:47.709-04:00People that walk up the "down" stairs during rush hourHey!<br /><br />You take the subway every day at rush hour! I totally understand how challenging and difficult to get somewhere while everyone else is trying to get somewhere - it really blows sometimes! If everyone worked together, things would go much more smoothly. But you don't care about how smooth things run, do you? You only care about yourself. You fucking idiot.<br /><br />Listen, if you're going "up" and there is an "up" escalator and the only way "down" is on the stairs, take the frigging escalator. I can't believe how many stupid, ignorant, selfish idiots try going up the stairs when there is an escalator right beside them; hello, idiots? Yeah, you're making things harder for yourself as you're going AGAINST the flow of people trying to go down the stairs because they have no other option! I mean come ON! I take the stairs as often as possible, but in circumstances such as this, I do the right thing and walk up the escalators. It makes sense. It's logical and easier for me and everyone around me.<br /><br />And while I'm at it, hey woman who has a HUGE purse and told me to 'STOP PUSHING [HER]' as I was walking down the stairs! Here's the thing: I wasn't pushing you. Your purse was huge and you slung it over your shoulder in such a fashion that as I was walking behind you my knee hit it. If you don't want people to hit your bag, get a smaller purse or carry it in front of you. You stupid bitch.<br /><br />Hey people that walk up the "down" stairs during rush hour! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-29233725357746997092009-08-17T11:36:00.004-04:002009-08-17T13:21:15.225-04:00My achy kneeHey! <div></div><br /><div>You're part of my body! I never had a problem with you before; you weren't fat, weird, big or small. You were great! You never gave me problems and I even admired the small scar you've been carrying around for 11 years.</div><br /><div>Now, though...now you're being a total asshole. I can't bend you without hurting, I can't walk up stairs without feeling an ache, I can't do half the exercises I'm supposed to do because you decided that you don't want to work properly. What the hell?! I thought that doing exercises and losing weight was supposed to be GOOD for you! Instead, exercising has made you dumb. Really, really dumb. </div><br /><div></div><div>Hey achy knee that has decided to crap out on me! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!<img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5370983809410268978" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDtpx7EMH_7hoIo5JcDslRXBi0q4ov_JPdUdX7MKbhEvPdWtQoMVWd7_RnOM7o3XikyVRr7huYwwqe7ixAIsKnu4gaXhfk851TWTmMnxXrwdog5UGXFjYhTl5wBS6Dds97R9B06qmst2Y/s200/knee-pain.jpg" border="0" /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8296809378956344927.post-16169543735576554622009-08-14T11:25:00.004-04:002009-08-14T11:43:21.329-04:00Old guy with a sense of entitlementHey!<br /><br />You're old! You've been around a long time, seen a lot, done a lot, had some fun...it's cool. I get it and I thank you for your contributions to society. I also think you're really cute sometimes, and look forward to being old and looking wrinkly and holding wrinkly hands and getting 10% off my coffee. The thing is, just because you're old doesn't mean you own the world and are entitled to whatever the hell you want. You have to wait in line like everyone else and you have to understand that there are other people on the face of the Earth that need services too! <br />THIS INCLUDES BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO: getting on a bus, ordering food, waiting to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy, parking spaces and grabbing a coffee. The next time I'm 15 minutes late for work because you decided to talk to the pharmacist about every single fucking item in the weekly flyer, I'm going to loose it and start pushing in front of you with an air of "my birth control is more important than your heart medication and the big Kleenex sale that's on until Saturday". Frig. <br /><br />Hey old guy with a sense of entitlement! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0