You’re enjoying your meal! Man, it looks good. What you got there, some chicken? Bread? French fries? Yum-my! And wow, it looks even more appealing when it’s inside your mouth!
Oh wait, no it doesn’t. It disgusts me. You are disgusting. Chew with your mouth closed. You’re in public and sitting beside people you know and respect, so why are you acting like a cow and chewing with your mouth open? You realize you’ll lose friends over this, right? No one will want to hang out with you because you have poor manners. The only way chewing with your mouth open is acceptable is if you were raised by wolves, and I'm pretty sure you were raised in the suburbs. And you wonder why you're single.
Hey guy that chews with his mouth open! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!