Guy that wears so much cologne I can smell him when he’s in his car

Hey!

You drive a car! Cool! You like to groom! Cool! You blast totally dope gino beats out of your car! Okay, whatever floats your boat!

Here’s the thing: when I pull my bike up beside your car and I can smell your cologne from the other side of the car, you are very uncool. Infact, you’re pretty stupid. If you wear so much cologne that I can smell you above truck exhaust, construction dust and that gross “Toronto” smell that we sometimes get, you are wearing too much cologne. I mean, I understand that your windows are open so maybe that’s why the smell was right in my face (I’d smell smoke or McDonald’s too, I’m sure), but when I can hardly take a breath in for fear of getting a headache, it’s gone too far. I feel sorry for any passenger that has to ride with you; they must really have a hard time breathing. Seriously, lay off the Axe. Your stench diameter is remarkably wide.

Hey guy that wears so much cologne I can smell him when he’s in his car! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!

(source)

Guy that has a cigarette right before he gets in an elevator

Hey!

You’re a smoker! You probably started when you were 14 years old and became instantly cool and admired, right? You didn’t care where you smoked and nobody said anything to you about it. The thing is, now you’re in your 20s/30s/40/s and not only is it not cool anymore, but you really should have learned some respect by now. You need to understand that when you smoke, you STINK. And when you have your last puff as you’re walking through the door of a building and head right into the elevator, you smell up EVERYTHING around you and no one can get a fucking breath in. If I get into an elevator, I like to be able to inhale at least once on my way up, and with you standing there, reeking of cigarettes and cheap perfume you spray over yourself to try and mask the smell that you’re obviously ashamed of but don’t care too much about, I can’t take a breath. You’re as bad as those 23 year old, greased-back hair, gold-chain wearing Axe bathers, only your smell is much more toxic.
Next time you decide to have a cigarette two feet away from a doorway (which, by the way, is really fucking rude and inconsiderate to people going in and out of the building), take an extra 30 seconds to stand outside and let the wind blow the stench off a little. It’s time to think about others.

Hey guy that has a cigarette right before he gets in an elevator! YOU’RE A BIG JERK!

Guy that gives unnecessarily hard high-fives

Hey!

You're a cool friend! One of those guys everyone knows and everyone likes! You need a way to say hello, so instead of shaking hands, you give high-fives. Not just any high-fives, though...the HARDEST HIGH-FIVES IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!

Dude! Stop it! When I go in for a high-five I'm expecting a good hit with small a small sting-back factor. With you, though, I get hit harder than a crash test dummy at high speeds. My hand turns red, pain shoots down to my elbow and I'm partially numb for five minutes. Not cool!

Hey guy that gives unnecessarily hard high-fives! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!