Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Guy that runs for a train he can't see
Hey!
We entered the subway station at the same time. Twinsies! Looks like we're walking down the stairs at the same ti...oh no, wait a sec...you've decided to push past me and run down the stairs! What gives, newbestfriend? Oh, I see. You hear a train coming. And there is the *slight* chance it may be your train, so you have decided to run for it and shove me out of the way. You're an idiot for a few reasons:
1- You don't know if it's your train. You are standing at the top of the stairs, close to street level, and have absolutely no way of telling if the approaching train is yours or not. Not only do you have no way of knowing, but...
2- Even if it is your train, there is NO FRIGGING WAY you're going to make it! Are you kidding me? You're at street level and have to make it down one set of stairs, walk 20 feet to the other set of stairs, run down those to the platform and hop on the train. If the train is operating as it normally does, it's going to be at the platform for 10 seconds, max. You can't make this run in 10 seconds.
3- After you in all your "running like there's a madman with a gun at the turnstile" glory push past the 20 other people and you end up missing the train, and everyone that you shoved shows up to the platform, calm and collected, we all think to ourselves "man, what an idiot. Looks like I will be catching the exact same train as he will and I didn't run. Take note, stupid running guy. You're stupid for running." People judge you and then perform small victory dances in their minds, all the while chanting "I'm better than you, running guy!"
In short, don't run for the train unless you're 100% positive that it is indeed your train coming and that you'll make it. And if you do decide to run, don't shove people. One day someone won't be so nice and will purposely try and trip you down the stairs, making you not only miss your train, but also making you bloody.
Hey guy that runs for a train he can't see! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!
We entered the subway station at the same time. Twinsies! Looks like we're walking down the stairs at the same ti...oh no, wait a sec...you've decided to push past me and run down the stairs! What gives, newbestfriend? Oh, I see. You hear a train coming. And there is the *slight* chance it may be your train, so you have decided to run for it and shove me out of the way. You're an idiot for a few reasons:
1- You don't know if it's your train. You are standing at the top of the stairs, close to street level, and have absolutely no way of telling if the approaching train is yours or not. Not only do you have no way of knowing, but...
2- Even if it is your train, there is NO FRIGGING WAY you're going to make it! Are you kidding me? You're at street level and have to make it down one set of stairs, walk 20 feet to the other set of stairs, run down those to the platform and hop on the train. If the train is operating as it normally does, it's going to be at the platform for 10 seconds, max. You can't make this run in 10 seconds.
3- After you in all your "running like there's a madman with a gun at the turnstile" glory push past the 20 other people and you end up missing the train, and everyone that you shoved shows up to the platform, calm and collected, we all think to ourselves "man, what an idiot. Looks like I will be catching the exact same train as he will and I didn't run. Take note, stupid running guy. You're stupid for running." People judge you and then perform small victory dances in their minds, all the while chanting "I'm better than you, running guy!"
In short, don't run for the train unless you're 100% positive that it is indeed your train coming and that you'll make it. And if you do decide to run, don't shove people. One day someone won't be so nice and will purposely try and trip you down the stairs, making you not only miss your train, but also making you bloody.
Hey guy that runs for a train he can't see! YOU'RE A BIG JERK!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Idiots that just stop in the middle of wherever the hell they are
Hey!
Oh uh...excus...get out of...get out of the way.
Get out of the way.
Get out of the way!
GET OUT OF THE WAY!
GET OUT OF THE WAY GET OUT OF THE WAY GET OUT OF THE WAY!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU JUST EXITED A BUILDING/GOT OFF AN ESCALATOR/ARE IN A DOORWAY! GET OUT OF THE WAY! WHY ARE YOU STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK/SUBWAY PLATFORM/LOBBY? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? IT IS RUSH HOUR IN TORONTO. THERE ARE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU.
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD! GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Hey idiots that just stop in the middle of wherever the hell they are. YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
Oh uh...excus...get out of...get out of the way.
Get out of the way.
Get out of the way!
GET OUT OF THE WAY!
GET OUT OF THE WAY GET OUT OF THE WAY GET OUT OF THE WAY!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU JUST EXITED A BUILDING/GOT OFF AN ESCALATOR/ARE IN A DOORWAY! GET OUT OF THE WAY! WHY ARE YOU STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SIDEWALK/SUBWAY PLATFORM/LOBBY? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? IT IS RUSH HOUR IN TORONTO. THERE ARE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU.
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD! GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Hey idiots that just stop in the middle of wherever the hell they are. YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Women that jaywalk on busy roads with their strollers
Hey!
You have a baby. Awesome! Congratulations. I love seeing you smile at your baby as you're taking him/her for a walk.
You know what I hate, though? When you decide to jaywalk with your baby. On a busy street. Pushing the stroller in front of you like some kind of four-wheeled stop sign, signalling to drivers "I AM WALKING ACROSS THE ROAD HERE AND I HAVE A BABY. YOU WOULDN'T HIT A BABY, WOULD YOU?"
Who the fuck do you think you are?! I would never jaywalk a busy street with a baby, and I have nowhere near the maternal instinct I should, as a 25 year old woman, have. On a quiet residential street, sure. Go nuts. Push the stroller into the road and see how far it goes, I don't care. But in the middle of Bloor street? Are you kidding me?
You can't account for the "What If" factor when you're jaywalking with your baby. What if the wheel gets caught in a streetcar track and you can't get it out in time? What if the driver down the road is going faster than you first thought? What if there is a hidden intersection and someone comes whipping down the alley into the road? What if someone doesn't see you? What if the other light has an advanced green and that's the reason your walk-light hasn't changed?
Can you really risk the lives of you and your baby just because you were too dumb to walk the extra 20 feet down the road and cross at the light, or too impatient to wait for your walk signal? People would die for their kids every day, but I don't think stupidity is what they're talking about.
Hey women that jaywalk on busy roads with their strollers! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
You have a baby. Awesome! Congratulations. I love seeing you smile at your baby as you're taking him/her for a walk.
You know what I hate, though? When you decide to jaywalk with your baby. On a busy street. Pushing the stroller in front of you like some kind of four-wheeled stop sign, signalling to drivers "I AM WALKING ACROSS THE ROAD HERE AND I HAVE A BABY. YOU WOULDN'T HIT A BABY, WOULD YOU?"
Who the fuck do you think you are?! I would never jaywalk a busy street with a baby, and I have nowhere near the maternal instinct I should, as a 25 year old woman, have. On a quiet residential street, sure. Go nuts. Push the stroller into the road and see how far it goes, I don't care. But in the middle of Bloor street? Are you kidding me?
You can't account for the "What If" factor when you're jaywalking with your baby. What if the wheel gets caught in a streetcar track and you can't get it out in time? What if the driver down the road is going faster than you first thought? What if there is a hidden intersection and someone comes whipping down the alley into the road? What if someone doesn't see you? What if the other light has an advanced green and that's the reason your walk-light hasn't changed?
Can you really risk the lives of you and your baby just because you were too dumb to walk the extra 20 feet down the road and cross at the light, or too impatient to wait for your walk signal? People would die for their kids every day, but I don't think stupidity is what they're talking about.
Hey women that jaywalk on busy roads with their strollers! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
People that don't put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher
Hey!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT YOUR FUCKING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IT'S RIGHT BESIDE THE SINK! YOU ARE ADULTS AND YOU WORK AT A HUGE, IMPORTANT, INTERNATIONAL COMPANY. YOU OWN HOUSES, HAVE FAMILIES AND DRIVE CARS. HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO PUT YOUR DIRTY CUP IN THE FUCKING DISHWASHER?! WHAT THE HELL?
Hey people that don't put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PUT YOUR FUCKING DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER! IT'S RIGHT THERE! IT'S RIGHT BESIDE THE SINK! YOU ARE ADULTS AND YOU WORK AT A HUGE, IMPORTANT, INTERNATIONAL COMPANY. YOU OWN HOUSES, HAVE FAMILIES AND DRIVE CARS. HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO PUT YOUR DIRTY CUP IN THE FUCKING DISHWASHER?! WHAT THE HELL?
Hey people that don't put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher! YOU'RE ALL BIG JERKS!
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